I'd love to make this post beautifully tragic, but I guess I'm not in the state of mind to do so. My dog might die of cancer. I was petting him for awhile, and it might have just been the situation, but my dog didn't move as much and breathed harder than normally. I think it might have been my imagination. Everyone wants to talk it out, this horrible, painful "event". That's all they ever want to do. When I want to scream. I wish I could just run outside, stand on the deck and scream until my lungs exploded. But, instead I'm here, with my dog a few meters behind me sleeping ,while whole family sits and stuffs their heads with television bullshit, anythings better than thinking about it. On TV everyone is fake, fake emotions, fake faces. They are watching "fakeness" with red puffy eyes? Look around you, we are hiding. How is this strong? Covering up this pain when we should be holding our dog and crying openly... screaming openly. "He can't die he's only seven", they should say. Is thinking it somehow better? Does it help at all? I'm sick of television. If a dog on television got sick. It wouldn't even have a chance of dying. There would be tears and then the credits would roll. I'm sick of movies. Love always saves in movies. No matter how much I love my dog, it doesn't cure him, it wont stop him from getting weaker. I want to be strong. I'm weak cause I'm not screaming now. Never let anyone tell you than crying makes you weak. Holding it in until you break makes you weak. At times like these I wish I could pray to some sort of God who could perform a miracle and save my puppy. All I have is a less than 50/50 chance that my dog has a cancerous tumor or not. Nothing can change his chances. The only thing we have is hope. And even that isn't much. Sometimes I wish that I lived on TV and always had the perfect things to say. So ya I wish I could write some amazing post that would touch the reader and make them feel like I do. But the thing is, I don't want you to feel like I do. Even if I don't know you, you don't deserve to feel like this. Until next time, probably when I hear the news, all I ask is that if you care just hope for the best.
