The Drama Queen

I'd like to think that all my problems are important. I'd also like to think that everyone else sees them as I do. But the sad thing about most people is that they have a strong tendency to exaggerate and lack compassion.

Get ready for the exaggeration.

Once again, I find it incredible how one person can bring you from the lowest point to the highest in the simplest ways. It's so easy to give all of your love away to someone and even easier to either hurt or be hurt.

Whenever I argue I get irrational, my heart beats fast and my mind starts spinning so uncontrollably my mouth can hardly keep up. I say things I don't mean, I even say things that mean so much to me that to hear them come from my own mouth is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by my dependence on certain people for happiness. I put my entire well-being in the hands of others and when I end up on the floor, I only have myself to blame. So when they stand victorious, surrounded by people and things to do, I am left here in my own pity.

I wish I could stop thinking about certain things. I'm hopeless, I'm also quite useless. My efforts never work. I try and I fail. I fail and I get angry. Thus, losing everything I care about. I'd like to tell myself that I'm alone now, isolated and thoroughly broken, because of you. But the truth is, I'm in this state now, because I just can't escape, I might be leaving but I can't let go.

I'm a drama queen. And I'm alone.

Does The World Actually Slow Down?

It's a question that I have asked myself before and thought about it on and off frequently. Just now the answer smacked me in the face as I checked to see if any of my friends had written anything on their blogs. A few weeks ago for Adam. One week for Yvonne and a couple of days for Maddy. Did they hit writer's block? Are they wanted by the government and in hiding? Are they frozen or something so out of this world that even I haven't thought about it? I will not know I guess, until they write about it. But, back to the world slowing. I find that when you are doing something the world seems to be frozen. Waiting for you to get back on its track. Like, my friends will remind me of my Canada Day retarded-ness. But, as long as I'm heading off to my brother's baseball every morning, I'm not thinking about it. About them. Is it cowardly? Ya sure, but eventually I will have to face what I did. And when that happens my worries will be put to rest and everything will by A.O.K. So, does this prove that by ignoring the obvious pile of shit I've stepped in... the world is just waiting for me to realize and wipe it off on a rock? I know that the world does not technically slow! I'm just saying that it feels like everyone and everything has stopped. Or maybe... It's all just waiting for me to face it. And the fact is... that shit ain't coming off, no matter how far I walk.