Vegetarians and Nothing

I walked in on my Dad when he was watching The Prestige with Christian Bale. Being the stalker that I am, I decided to look him up on wikipedia. It said that he fights for animals rights. That got my heart beating fast! So, I checked it on Google... he's veg!! OMG I'm in love all over again! I'm so surprised because I hadn't realized that many other famous people are also veg...for example, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Mark Twain, Isaac Newton, Vincent Van Gogh, Johnny Cash, Bob Barker, Brad Pitt, Robert Redford and of course, Christian Bale. I'm so happy!

I've been doing absolutely nothing for the past week, alternating between flipping through channels, playing final fantasy, watching weird movies and checking my blog, I cannot find that one thing that will engage this constant need to do something. It's as if I'm being chased and I can't do one thing for long or I'll be caught. Is that what school does to you? I guess it' s designed to be a good thing. No more lazy children. Always thinking that they should be doing something productive. The thing is, I never want to get a fucking job. Sure, it'll be fine for the first month, but after that, I'll be stressed and pissed at "the Man." It's like I can't see my future. I have no dreams. Not anymore. I'm just sitting, I'm alone, the way I made myself, with this annoying voice screaming in my ear, telling me that I have to do something with my life. Telling me, that no matter what I do, I will fail. I'm going to vomit. My heads is pounding, blood trying to escape this disaster waiting to happen. The pressure is getting to me. Pressure from where? I'm asking, but who will answer? Questions are so fucking easy. So easy to ask. But, why ask questions when you don't expect an answer? I'm trapped in this shit, in this steaming pile of shit the world is made of. God, what the hell am I talking about. My life is awesome. Life is beautiful. Do I really believe that? Questions. questions, questions. And more god damned questions. I'm laughing at myself. Are you laughing at me. You can lie if you want. It's OK. I can't hear you. A least you'll be doing something. Filling your life with something. Mine echo. My empty laughs. I'm empty. Emptiness is only comforting when you know that someday it will be filled.

New Additions

I'm going shopping today. I'm getting new frames cause I broke my glasses. I'm also going to the pet store. I'm ready to get a new pet. Not sure what though... I really should be studying for exams and doing cooking homework but I'm procrastinating! So ya, I'm going to tell you what I'm doing today and try and waste as much time possible doing nothing. Well, anyways I'm going to go now cause I have nothing to say for once, it's easy actually to just talk about nothing. I once has a dog named Burt. He had a raincoat and he could say, "I love you!" The dog was bit by my neighbor because my neibour was jealous of my dog's new coat. He them attempted to wear my dog's coat, but it didn't work becaue he is not a dog. Shit, I have lost my mind and now I'm crazy!

Homer: "No beer and no t.v make Homer go...something something."

Marge: "Go crazy?"

Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"

In Memorium

I've reached a stage where I have no opinions or feelings, I've exhausted every ounce. It's one of these times where I start to wonder where everything starts and where it all ends. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I want to write about love and living, but I haven't truly loved or even remotely lived. That's all there is to write about really. Since, how can you talk about your views on the world when you haven't read all the history books or even begun to understand...simply, why? I have no knowledge of anything in particular. I'm not sure if that realization hurts or not. Right now it's just a fact. How do I know if praying to God will save us all or if global warming will burn me alive? I have no idea. I'm sick of trying to find ways to explain things! They just are. We are so entirely lost, it's sort of humorous in a way. Sad in another. But, then again how do you know that you are lost if you don' t know where you should be? See... more fucking questions. My head is going to explode. I'm finding it an effort to type this out, but I need to because I haven't written anything since my mice died. It's so plain written up there on the screen, but the pain was more than I expected when I saw them lying in their cage. It wasn't normal or as I had hoped that they would have passed on. They were stiff and they weren't together. At opposite ends I believe. I couldn't move for a little while, I had my back to the cage for a good hour and a half. Shit, I must have looked like Lady Macbeth wringing her hands muttering,"Out damned spot." I have to laugh at myself or I would start to remember the feeling of finding my friends dead from heat exhaustion after leaving them to go to my cottage. I never even thought about them as I got sunburned and watched my cousin pretend to get drunk off of two coolers. As cliched as it is, I never said good-bye. I just filled their food bowl and left. I held them before I put them in their cardboard coffin. Their eyes were open and I could swear that they were warm (probably from being roasted alive). They could have easy been sleeping. I shook them a little and muttered to them. Shit, it haunts me. I held them and I hated myself for not taking them with me. I have this image of my two mice lying in a cold wet cardboard box, running in circles trying to find a way out of the hole I buried them in. I still do, no matter how many times I fake a smile. I must have looked like a stupid idiot, standing in front of my shitty attempt at a grave, trying to not get eaten alive by mosquitoes and muttering words like "I'm so sorry", "I loved you" and swearing because I could not even think of something memorable to say. I could not even make something to mark their grave. My justification was, "they are just mice." The same justification that I told myself as I cried in the 40 degree weather, sitting on my deck, wringing my hands. I wanted to vomit. I sickened myself. I really did love them. It was the same as finding any other animal dead. Tish, Rainbow, Elmo or even Rocky. Everything has life and that life is eventually taken. It's the same for all living things. It was my dad talking, his voice telling me to stop crying, that he'll get me new ones to replace them, telling me that they are just mice, it's pathetic but true. The same man who told me to stop crying when I was little or told me to toughen up and stop acting like a child. Funny, now it seems that I can't stop. I don't want new mice. They will not replace or patch up this hurt. Albert had a limp, he always ran in circles. Hemingway loved his wheel and hated it when Albert would try and run on it. They used to fight each other, but I would find them cuddling sometimes. I'm crying as I write this, nose running, trying to type correctly through clouded eyes. Desperately trying to tell whoever is reading this that I feel so god damned guilty. True, I didn't actually put them outside, or left them out there for an hour. But, if I had cleaned their cage earlier maybe my dad would not have said that they smelled and put them outside. Maybe I deserve this pain. I got mice so that they would not be fed to a snake, but is roasting alive any better?

Einstein's Opinion Revealed

Renowned scientist Albert Einstein dismissed the Bible as a collection of “pretty childish” legends and belief in God as a “product of human weaknesses,” according to a letter to be auctioned this week.

My comments:

I was not surprised to hear this since, Einstein had a brilliant mind that could come to its own conclusions about life. If your choice is the bible, after obvious consideration, then great. But, as an atheist or a non-believer I can see that the bible started as a good idea, but was taken too literally. A book that passed on the story of a man who did great things. The people who wrote it probably had no idea that others would eventually criticize it. But, most religions are outdated and overly worshiped to a dangerous extent. The rules were designed to maintain control over a vast number of people, to make sure that morals were being passed on and that if you did bad things then you would burn in Hell for all eternity. The fact is that some take religion too seriously and need to realize that God was created in a book, he is not the creator. Have you ever wondered why God only existed once "man" started to walk on the earth or why is it that other animals do not have gods? Maybe they are smarter than us and God is just our way to easily control the outcome of the ever-changing world. We are just children trying to stop from growing up. Because you have to admit...there is nothing worse that realizing that all that you have been taught is a ploy to persuade a mast majority into following a God that does not exist. Religion is a last ditch measure used as a obstacle to prevent people's rights from being met. For example, where in the bible does it say to hate homosexuals, capture slaves, ostracize people who do not believe in god or devalue women. These problems are all the result of people looking too far into a religion that is based hundreds of years in the past. The bible is just a bunch of old mens' attempt to pass on their twisted beliefs to an easily persuaded future generation. And the sad part is that they have, but we are slowly but surely fighting back a ghost that refuses to leave. It's time for us to follow in Einstein's footstep and come to our own conclusions. It's time for us to think for ourselves.