States of Being

Heaven and hell are not places. They are states of being. We walk among you. You are blind. I hope, desperately that this is real. My words will be worth nothing otherwise. How foolish I have been. I've almost lost the fight. There is a boxing ring somewhere filling with my blood. You are rubbing salt in my wounds. My screams are mute. My mouth is closed. You are drinking my pain. Tastes good doesn't it?

Bedtime

The fact is...that you are never truly alone because everything you do will be based on someone else's ideas. It doesn't matter is you work yourself to death trying to be different. Your ideas will have been thought of by another person. You may deem it odd that I am writing at such a young age, but this time is incredibly important since I am very young, therefore ignorant. I cannot write about love or wisdom. I have yet to live. No, now is my time to ask questions. Later, I may find some answers, maybe I wont. Maybe I'll never give up searching. That's what kills us. We are all children 'til the end. Sticky and perverse children. It's your bedtime, in the morning things can be different, as long as you never open your eyes my love. Your barriers will crumble, these walls that have been built, by those you will never know and for a reason you cannot bare to comprehend. But I will let you in on a secret...

they were built to keep these very thoughts out. once they are in, there is no stopping them my dear.

Poems

Here's some weird poems that I wrote in one of my moods:

For the time being, I will be lost amongst you. You will forget.
Forget this life. Life not lived.
Lived without friends. Friends are only enemies in disguise.
Disguise their real self, stab me in the back.
Back to me and my mind. Mind you, it is worth nothing.
Nothing ends with nothing. Nothing lasts forever.
Forever when you are alone. Alone you are gone.
Gone away. Away, so far.
Far from where I am. Am I?
I am lost. Lost for the time being.

Sitting doing everything. Everything eventually ends.
Ends are the result of beginnings. Beginnings are where everything goes wrong.
Wrong again, child, wrong again. Again and again you scream.
Scream and it disappears. Disappears like your existence.
Existence is the state of being. Being alive.
Alive, like your fears. Fears are eating your inside out.
Out damned spot. Spot of your blood on the ground.
Ground floor and it's your stop.

"People who are fake scare me. People who are real scare me more."

My Pledge to Be Veg

I've recently become a vegetarian and it already is having an effect on my mood. I have noticed that I'm happier and bad days are getting less frequent. Yet, the vegetarian food and meat alternatives are very expensive and I'm beginning to feel guilty because my mom is paying for it all. This will probably be my "down fall" but I'm trying to put it behind me as long as I can. I realized that this "phase" in my life is mostly fueled my competition with my friend Adam since we both decided to go vegetarian at the same time. We had both seen the PETA documentary and were repulsed by the images. My mom tells me that they are extremists, but I cannot stay ignorant to the fact that no matter what these things are happening.

For example, number 5, Eight Belles' breakdown and euthanasia at the Kentucky Derby. It has put the spotlight back on an industry that puts speed and profit first and leaves the horses in last place. I was making cookies at the time in the kitchen and my Dad asked me to pick a horse to win. I remembered my experience at the racetrack when I was little, since I used to cry as I heard the horses being whipped while they ran by. I remembered it was like they were trying to run away but, they just could not seem to get anywhere. At first I told him zero, but after a while of annoyance I finally caved in and picked my favourite number. "Fine... I pick number five."

It was reported that the horse broke both its front ankles and was euthanized a short while after. But, what the hell right? At least it came in second...