One Art by Elizabeth Bishop (1911 - 1979)

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

Lily Allen - "Nan You're A Window Shopper"

Best song about grandmas I've heard :D

Iron & Wine - "Half Moon"

The xx - "Crystalised"

Haha best youtube comment: "This music feels like the first time I touched myself!!"

You're with me...

Oz - It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting.
Willow - I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired and I turn the corner in Istanbul, and there you are. I won't be surprised... Because you're with me, you know?

Today

I got a "mole" on my back removed. Mole sounds so gross. I picture a big brown lump with a long black hair growing out of it. My "mole" was more like a freckle. Anyways, I went to the doctor's this morning not really knowing what to expect.

So I get there and undress, I lay down on a table and the doctor sticks a needle in my back and injects me with numbing solution. I really hate needles. But this wasn't too uncomfortable. She then took this hole-punch-looking thing and pressed it onto the mole. I didn't feel a thing. She then put two stitches in my back to close me up. I will have a scar, but that's ok. At least I wont have cancer.

I was a total champ. I didn't whine or feel sick or anything... Until I went to make a follow up appointment with a secretary immediately after. I felt fine as I waited in the line up... then I became incredibly tired and dizzy. My eyes couldn't focus and when I got up to the front of the line I saw that the secretary was talking to me, but I couldn't hear her. I know I replied to what I thought she said, but I couldn't even hear myself because my ears were ringing. I started breaking out into a cold sweat, and I guess I became super pale because the secretary jumped up and ran to my side. She guided me to a chair and went to get a nurse. By then I was past the point of actually fainting.

I spend about half an hour in a room where people were getting vaccinated... not a great place to put someone who hates needles and almost fainted. But I survived, they gave me apple juice which helped a lot. They asked me if I had anyone with me... I didn't, and thinking about not having anyone around made me sad, and made me miss "he who must not be named".

Then I left. Now the pain killer stuff they shot into my back has worn off and every time move I feel like I'm being pinched. Sleeping is not going to be fun. I'm going to get the stitches out in a week. My biggest fear is that I might rip one of them. I'm glad there's a huge bandage on my back because I really really don't want to see what kind of gore fest is happening back there! haha fun day :D Well it was just another adventure I guess.

Time.

I'm beginning to forget his face, and the feel of his touch but I still remember the way he smelt and the why he made my heart feel. I never want to forget that.

I lock my room at night

and my heart during the day. But, apparently I didn't lock it tight enough. My ex would be laughing if he knew the way I've been fucked over by a guy. He was right, he always said that guys are douche bags. I have yet to meet a guy in university that I could ever see myself loving or even dating. They are all so caught up in "wheeling" and fucking around. I miss having someone normal to love. He was much more mature than any of these tool bags. I'm sick of all of it. I try to be fucking friends with people, but they send me drunk texts and try to get me to "meet up later". Nice guys turn in to creeps that call you pretty because they want to get their dicks wet. I just want to know someone completely, I want them to be upfront. I don't want to fucking find out about shit by accident or by misunderstanding.
I'm so scared that I'll never find someone to replace the shadow of my ex. I'm beginning to think that he was my once in a lifetime chance, one I took for granted and never deserved. I don't like myself in this pathetic state. I feel like I did before I knew what love was. I was awake for that short amount of time... but now I'm back to sleep and the nightmares have started again.

Beach House - "Walk in the Park"

... I totally thought that a guy sang this song. Still great though.

You go for a walk in the park 'cause you don't need anything
Your hand that you sometimes hold doesn't do anything
The face that you see in the door isn't standing there anymore

In a matter of time, it would slip from my mind
In and out of my life, you would slip from my mind
In a matter of time

The face that you saw in the door isn't looking at you anymore
The name that you call in it's place isn't waiting for your embrace
The world that you love to behold cannot hold you anymore

In a matter of time, it would slip from my mind
In and out of my life, you would slip from my mind
In a matter of time

More, you want more
More, you want more

More, you want more, you tell me
More, only time can run me

What you don't know wont hurt you...

that is, until you know. So I'm just going to let my assumptions and fears hurt me for now.

(I miss my bunny)

The good morrow.

THE GOOD-MORROW.
by John Donne

I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we loved ? were we not wean'd till then ?
But suck'd on country pleasures, childishly ?
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers' den ?
'Twas so ; but this, all pleasures fancies be ;
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.

And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear ;
For love all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone ;
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown ;
Let us possess one world ; each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest ;
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp north, without declining west ?
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally ;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.