Ellie Goulding - "Lights (Bassnectar Remix)"

Dirty.

Love is a lovely joke.

I hate the fact I allowed myself to hate someone who loved me. Sure, it's over. But, now I need to realize I was on a roller-coaster ride of emotional foolishness. Hmm. That pretty much sums up love.

(I googled roller-coaster of love and this came up. It completely and accurately sums up the rest of my post.)

The build up is great and your heartbeat deafens your ears - then you fall madly, letting go of everything but the moment. Your head is lost and you grab onto the only person as lost and as scared as you are. But soon you'll find there will be inevitable lulls between the ups and the downs. This is where the ride is truly tested. Will they hold your hand no matter what and talk you through the suspense? And if, at the end, you make it through without puking... you've found the one.

Don Diablo - "99 Fences"

What a beaut.

So here I am.

I'm been listening to great up-beat music lately. Part of me misses those heart throbbing Bon Iver-type songs I used to listen to all the time. But I can't bring myself to listen to them, not now. Not when things are looking up. I told myself that time has made everything better. However, I'm starting to believe that time has nothing to do with it. I've been bandaged up and my bruised ego has healed. Now I just worry the things that patched me up will lose their adhesion and I'll be left as pathetic as I was before. Fuck I was a miserable human being. I embarrassed myself for months. It freaks me out to think that the same thing could happen again. I guess that's why living under a rock has the potential to be comforting.

I could never do that though. There's no fun in living without fear of pain. The problem is that we can never see an end to pain. But, ends do come and happiness happens. So live it up and blindly step into the future.

I'm learning to enjoy the quest to find something better. That's pretty much the only thing keeping me together.