CONSISTENCY

If you stare at things consistently enough, their consistency begins to break apart and hit you with bone crushing force. It's hot. Sweaty hot. And I'm lying here staring at my fan spinning. I could stare at it for hours and as I watch the blades spin round and round, they would become one moving object. But, in my current state I can see each blade cutting through the air. Consistently, my eyes catch sight of one, then the other. For some reason they seem to tell me something important as if my fan is going to teach me an important life lesson.

There are tiny black flies touching my naked back, my face, landing on my eye lashes and on my computer screen. I'm annoyed, well at least I think I should be. Maybe they are minor annoyances, maybe they are trying to tell me something as well.

I'm trying to make some philosophical finding out of this. I thing I wanted to find was meaning, but now I just see that I've come across and insane. That's cool. I don't want to wait to see what will happen. I want to know what will happen so I don't love just to have a broken heart in the end. That's what I wanted to find. I wanted to find an answer, not meaning. But, now I see that neither the blades of my fan, nor the bugs will give me some mind awakening answer to the problems with my heart.