Hug.

Have you ever had one of those days where you want a hug so bad, but you know if you get one, you'll break down and never want to let go? So you keep to yourself and wait for everything to come together once again.

An End

"He said that when something ends, we must think that something begins. His advice is salutory, but the execution is difficult, for we only know what we have lost, not what we will gain. We have a very precise image - an image at times shameless - of what we have lost, but we are ignorant of what may follow or replace it." Blindness by Jorge Luis Borges

I'm scared to say it, but I don't see any new beginnings anytime soon. I've made too many mistakes and I've become a bad person. It was a struggle to get up this morning and throughout the entire day my face was a swollen mess and I held back tears every second. I've never felt this low my whole life.

It hurts to exist. I've never hated myself so much.

I lock my room at night

and my heart during the day. But, apparently I didn't lock it tight enough. My ex would be laughing if he knew the way I've been fucked over by a guy. He was right, he always said that guys are douche bags. I have yet to meet a guy in university that I could ever see myself loving or even dating. They are all so caught up in "wheeling" and fucking around. I miss having someone normal to love. He was much more mature than any of these tool bags. I'm sick of all of it. I try to be fucking friends with people, but they send me drunk texts and try to get me to "meet up later". Nice guys turn in to creeps that call you pretty because they want to get their dicks wet. I just want to know someone completely, I want them to be upfront. I don't want to fucking find out about shit by accident or by misunderstanding.
I'm so scared that I'll never find someone to replace the shadow of my ex. I'm beginning to think that he was my once in a lifetime chance, one I took for granted and never deserved. I don't like myself in this pathetic state. I feel like I did before I knew what love was. I was awake for that short amount of time... but now I'm back to sleep and the nightmares have started again.

What you don't know wont hurt you...

that is, until you know. So I'm just going to let my assumptions and fears hurt me for now.

(I miss my bunny)